There is no escape. You can't be a vagabond and an artist
and still be a solid citizen, a wholesome, upstanding man. You want to get
drunk, so you have to accept the hangover. You say yes to the sunlight and pure
fantasies, so you have to say yes to the filth and the nausea. Everything is
within you, gold and mud, happiness and pain, the laughter of childhood and the
apprehension of death. Say yes to everything, shirk nothing. Don't try to lie
to yourself. You are not a solid citizen. You are not a Greek. You are not
harmonious, or the master of yourself. You are a bird in the storm. Let it
storm! Let it drive you! How much have you lied! A thousand times, even in your
poems and books, you have played the harmonious man, the wise man, the happy,
the enlightened man. In the same way, men attacking in war have played heroes,
while their bowels twitched. My God, what a poor ape, what a fencer in the
mirror man is- particularly the artist- particularly myself!
Herman Hesse
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