The Hammock Papers: Totally.

11 July 2012

Totally.

Old MacDonald had an organic urban rooftop farm, EEE-I-EEE-I-O! And on that farm he had a vegan girlfriend named September who he met at a sheep shearing class at 3rdWard in Brooklyn who was totally hot and was totally into the rooftop-farming thing until she realized that she liked going to the Hamptons a whole lot more so she dumped Old MacDonald for a documentary filmmaker/personal trainer/DJ/sushi chef/surfboard shaper/trust fund baby whose father owns half of East Hampton.

… And on that farm he had a tattoo of Tony Danza with the words WHO’S THE BOSS written underneath it on his right forearm but then he saw a guy on the L train with a tattoo of the whole cast of Saved By The Bell on his thigh, which got him thinking that maybe he should get another tattoo of Alyssa Milano and that woman who played her mom on his other forearm, you know, to up the irony-ante.

… And on that farm he had these things called ‘ramps,’ which are totally trending in restaurants right now, especially in areas like Greenpoint and Bushwick where sometimes, even in a low-key place on a butt-ugly block across the street from the projects, a pretty basic salad with some ramps in it will cost like 12 bucks but then they’re all like, ‘we’re cash only,’ which is bullshit because if you can charge 12 bucks for a salad, 24 for an entrée and another 12 for a glass of wine, then you probably can afford to cut a deal with American Express.

Rest the rest (YES! THERE"S MORE!) at McSweeney's.

Thanks, Veerle. A thousand times, thank you!

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WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART

"When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone and of good cheer – say travelling in a carriage or walking after a good meal, or during the night when I cannot sleep – it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence, and how, they come I know not ; nor can I force them. Those ideas that please me I retain in memory and am accustomed, as I have been told, to hum them to myself. If I continue in this way, it soon occurs to me how I may turn this dainty morsel to account, so as to make a good dish of it. That is to say, agreeable to the rules of counterpoint, to the peculiarities of various instruments etc. All this fires my soul, and, provided I am not disturbed, my subject enlarges itself, becomes methodised, and defined, and the whole, though it be long, stands almost complete and finished in my mind, so that I can survey it like a fine picture or a beautiful statue at a glance. Nor do I hear in my imagination the parts successively, but I hear them, as it were, all at once. What a delight this is, I cannot tell."

MARCUS AURELIUS

"Is your cucumber bitter? Throw it away. Are there briars in your path? Turn aside. That is enough. Do not go on and say, 'Why were things of this sort ever brought into this world?' neither intolerable nor everlasting - if thou bearest in mind that it has its limits, and if thou addest nothing to it in imagination. Pain is either an evil to the body (then let the body say what it thinks of it!)-or to the soul. But it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity and tranquility."

VINCENT van GOGH

"What am I in the eyes of most people? A nonentity or an oddity or a disagreeable person — someone who has and will have no position in society, in short a little lower than the lowest. Very well — assuming that everything is indeed like that, then through my work I’d like to show what there is in the heart of such an oddity, such a nobody. This is my ambition, which is based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion. Even though I’m often in a mess, inside me there’s still a calm, pure harmony and music. In the poorest little house, in the filthiest corner, I see paintings or drawings. And my mind turns in that direction as if with an irresistible urge. As time passes, other things are increasingly excluded, and the more they are the faster my eyes see the picturesque. Art demands persistent work, work in spite of everything, and unceasing observation."

DAN CAMPBELL