Our intention is simply to instruct the young, reform the old, correct the town, and castigate the age: this is an arduous task, and, therefore, we undertake it with confidence. We intend for this purpose to present a striking picture of the town; and as everybody is anxious to see his own phiz on canvass, however stupid or ugly it may be, we have no doubt but the whole town will flock to our exhibition. Our picture will necessarily include a vast variety of figures; and should any lady or gentleman be displeased with the inveterate truth of their likenesses, they may ease their spleen by laughing at those of their neighbours — this being what toe understand by poetical justice.
Like all true and able Editors, we consider ourselves infallible; and, therefore, with the customary diffidence of our brethren of the quill, we shall take the liberty of interfering in all matters either of a public or private nature. We are critics, amateurs, diletanti, and cognoscenti ; and as we know " by the pricking of our thumbs," that every opinion which we may advance in either of those characters will be correct, we are determined, though it may be questioned, contradicted, or even controverted, yet it shall never be revoked.
We beg the public particularly to understand, that we solicit no patronage. We are determined, on the contrary, that the patronage shall be entirely on our side. We have nothing to do with the pecuniary concerns of the paper: its success will yield us neither pride nor profit; nor will its failure occasion to us either loss or mortification. We advise the public, therefore, to purchase our numbers merely for their own sakes; if they do not, let them settle the affair with their consciences and posterity.
To conclude, we invite all editors of newspapers and literary journals to praise us heartily in advance, as we assure them that we intend to deserve their praises. To our next door neighbour, "Town," we hold out a hand of amity, declaring to him that, after ours, his paper will stand the best chance for immortality. We proffer an exchange of civilities ; he shall furnish us with notices of epic poems and tobacco — and we, in return, will enrich him with original speculations on all manner of subjects, together with " the rummaging of my grandfather's mahogany chest of drawers," " the life and amours of mine uncle John," anecdotes of the Cockloft family," and learned quotations from that unheard of writer of folios, Linkum Fidelus ...
If any one should feel himself offended by our remarks, let him attack us in return—we shall not wince from the combat. If his passes be successful, we will be the first to cry out, a hit! a hit ! and we doubt not we shall frequently lay ourselves open to the weapons of our assailants. But let them have a care how they run a-tilting with us; they have to deal with stubborn foes,who can bear a world of pummeling; we will be relentless in our vengeance, find will fight "till from our bones the flesh behack't."
Washington Irving, from Salmagundi; or, the Whim-Whams and Opinions of Launcelot Langstaff
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