Chatham

Dusting is a sure-fire way for me to get distracted and this morning was no different than any other time I've ever done it. Today my focus was sharply and enjoyably shifted by a collection of essays by one of my artistic, literary, and culinary heroes, Russell Chatham. The collection, Dark Waters.

There are many highlights in this volume, but The Great Duck Misunderstanding is my favorite ...
But most people get it wrong, and so you learn not to talk about it. Raving about how you like to eat duck might bring invitations to dinner from hunters who have freezers of them. Many of these hunters will be baffled by such enthusiasm because they themselves would “rather have a T-bone.” You’ll find out why when dinner is served. The missus will have stuffed the ducks with breadcrumbs and baked them in a 325-degree oven for three hours, creating in the process a classic je ne sais quoi. Served thus, with some dried out peas, mashed potatoes and a cup of coffee, a date with an icebox full of wet hair would be preferable.

The best way to bail out the evening, aside from very heavy drinking, is to convince the hosts the bird was delicious, and hope they’ll give away the rest of the ducks from their freezer. Later they will make fun of you as a screwball, but you will have skated off with the raw material for many quasi-orgasmic moments.